Wednesday, September 10, 2014
This is what I saw. The words underneath the vision of the Eucharist is what I heard. A man's voice, gentle, but with authority to it that you did not question.
Now the history.
I was baptized a Catholic as an infant. Although I went to Catholic School, I never did get my first communion or my confirmation. (There were problems at home). We had school Mass every Friday morning. We didn't have a "blessing", if you hadn't had your first communion, you just sat there and watched everyone else go. This was torture.
After Catholic School, I would still go to Holy Mass, at St. Michael the Archangel Church, but I would never take Holy Communion. Again, I would just sit there. I can't tell you how bad I wanted to take Holy Communion. I KNEW it was Jesus, and as a result I was also terrified of it also. Although I saw other people take the Blessed Sacrament, I got to a point that I gave up ever being able to receive Holy Communion. I can't tell you how much I would hunger for what I thought I would NEVER HAVE.
I still prayed the Rosary. Marriage, years went by.
One night I had a dream. In the dream I went into a beautiful church, and when I walked in there was red carpet and pews to the left. To the right was the Altar in this Church and the Holy Eucharist was hanging over the Altar. The Eucharist was as BRIGHT AS THE SUN!! Before the Altar, was a one person kneeler. (Like the one below - red cloth and everything!) The only difference was the kneeler in my dream didn't have the top part where you place your elbows when you pray.
I knew Jesus was standing next to me, to my right. I wasn't permitted to turn and look at Him. I heard Him say in my dream, "Kneel and receive Communion."
I said to him, "But Lord, there is no Altar for me to kneel on." (I meant the top was gone from the kneeler).
The Lord said to me, "I will become the Altar." And He laid across the posts and became the wood and the cloth and I knelt and received Holy Communion.
When I woke up, I knew what I had to do, I knew He was calling me to get my First Communion. But how? I didn't know there was anything like RCIA. I loved the Priest at St. Michael the Archangel, but he had such a deep voice he kind of scared me. I thought I would find another Catholic Church to get my Communion from. I called St. Martha's Catholic Church and their RCIA was starting in a few weeks. (Go figure!)
I had never been to St Martha's, never stepped in the door. I signed up for RCIA and started going there for instruction. The first time I stepped into the Sanctuary at St Martha's, my breath was taken away, and i cried.
It was the EXACT same Church as in my dream.
More of this story coming in (Part 2).
Sunday, September 07, 2014
I went to Holy Mass and as usual, I stay after and pray. This situation is ideal, because no one sees me. This is important. If you are truly seeking the good of another soul in your petition to God, and nothing for yourself, then your petition, ideally, should just be between you and God. Hidden from the eyes of everyone. No guile, no hidden agendas, just you and God as you plead to Him for His mercy on those He has chosen you to pray for. (Oh yeah, you usually don't get to pick whom or what you pray for.)
I never know when I am going to get my assignment, today it was near the end of the Holy Mass. "Isis". Isis: to bind the great evil that surrounds these men, for they are chained directly to the devil. My assignment was to beg and plead God to bind this evil, as He sees fit to bind it, but I went a little further. That is the beauty of God, is that He allows us to push the limits, especially if what we are pushing the boundaries for are for what are the desires of His heart.
This is what Abraham did, and what Moses did too. Abraham kept pushing the limit of how many just men would be needed to save Sodom. Moses was the lawgiver, but many forget how many times he 'entreated' the Lord for not only the Israelite s, but Pharaoh too. When the spirit of the Lord came upon the tent, the people didn't want to go in, they wanted Moses to go in. I get that.
I tell you now, Abraham and Moses loved God, but that doesn't mean they weren't terrified also. God is mercy eternal, God is love eternal, but people forget that God is also justice eternal, and when you are standing on the field of eternity and pleading with a God who's wrath you can feel, this is quite terrifying. To plead with the one and Holy God, the Eternal is frightening enough, but to plead with a God who's wrath you can feel is a measure in how much the heart is truly dedicated in seeking the salvation of those whom God's wrath has incurred. Will you stay? Will you continue? How committed to the lost are you really? You want to run, but you don't, you stay, whatever the consequences.
Someone HAS to go into the tent and plead for the people!
Holy Mass was over, the church had cleared out. I prayed a rosary and knew I had to go to the Stations. It wasn't so much in words, but it was communicated to me,
"This is going to be a rough one."
My mission was just to ask God to bind the evil and beg His mercy on the souls in Isis, but I went a little further. I have a Mother's heart, and I try to use the heart He has given me well. I push the boundaries,
"Lord, give them to me, give them to me as my children."
Silence. I begin the Stations.
My prayer is answered for tears that I shed as I pray the Stations can only come from a Mother for her children. Every Station I offered to God, I could feel His wrath and anger for the evil that has been done. How could I counter this? The one thing I know for sure from praying the stations is this: The will of God is perfect and the justice of God is perfect. I didn't stop, I kept pleading with God, offering each station, begging for my children.
I come to the 12th Station and I was given understanding.
Those that plead to God for those souls that are lost can turn God's wrath back by offering that His wrath fall upon them instead of those who have incurred that wrath. This isn't a macho question of who is more of a martyr, this is a question of love. How much do you really love those you are pleading to God for?
This frightened me, I didn't understand. "Lord, if your wrath falls upon me, wouldn't I be in danger of going to Hell?" The answer was "No." I was given that those, who with great love in their heart, if they so choose to ask that God's wrath fall upon them, instead of it falling on those whom God's justice requires it, then the soul who has accepted this, out of love only, then that soul is greatly purified for heaven and God's wrath is turned away from those who would otherwise face eternal damnation.
What Mother wouldn't give everything, for her children and offer to take their place to keep them from harm. "Lord, Let the wrath fall on me."
I finished the Stations and went to my normal pew. I was drained and exhausted. I had no prayer left in me. I went to my car and was so exhausted I had to put the seat back and take a little nap before leaving.
May God give me the strength to take up the fight again.